Thursday, September 28, 2006
I've been feeling really emotional these few days. I mean i really want to get into double science yet there's this freaking barrier i really have to overcome. This barrier...is causing me so much misery...making me so sad...so emotional...so scared.
I've been having multiple break downs recently. Well and there are many others around me also feeling the same i guess.Too stressed i guess. Just like today and yesterday...my moodswings were like crazy? Imagine, sitting down in the middle of a lesson and all of a sudden you feel like crying,in order not to make the teacher or your friends think you're crazy, you try to hold back. Lesson ended and you step out of the class to find yourself tearing almost immediately. Thank god for the caring friends i have around me. Afterwhich,during english lesson you go crazy with your friends and started laughing like some mad person.See the drastic change of mood?
Today, seriously i don't know what's wrong with me. I was feeling emotional yet again, i started to think more and deeper into the problem, fearing my worst nightmare may come true. Then yet again,you try to hold back your tears. I held back thankfully today, i didnt want to cry infront of my friends,instead i went home to do it. Yet again, i had some really sweet friends to cheer me up and encourage me on. I should really try to have this mindset that i can do it, i must have confidence in myself! I will make it,right?Then again,its really hard.
I would like to thank all friends who has helped me in a way or another for the past few days.Its has been a crazy roller coaster ride for me. But i would like to thank yiguan,yansiang,wanyin and tiffany in particular.
Yiguan
She's always there for me when i needed her,she smses me words of motivation practically everyday. She was there to cheer me up when i was really at my lowest. I could tell her all my worries and some other stuffs, and somehow we had the same opinions on some stuff.Its sad actually. When i broke down she was there. She was there when i was studying till the wee hours of the morning like at 3am+! Both of us were studying and talking and imagine...we had to go school like 3 hrs later,cool eh?Thanks MAMA!
Yansiang
Ha, another of my darling. She's also always with me. Making me laugh and everything. Being there with me when i was down. Cheered me up and made me smile.Thanks darling!
Wanyin
She's really crazy...in a good way. Ha, she was always there to talk me out of my pessimistic thoughts. She scolds me for my own good when i actually despised myself. She cheers me up in weird ways.She Warns me to not cry infront of her when i actually really wanted to, but because of her strict warnings i regained back my composure and did not cry.Thanks Toady!
Tiffany
Well, she's been there to encourage me too. She showed concern for me when i was down.She was with me when i broke down.So...Thanks darling!!
Yeah so thanks DARLINGS! Of cause there's still the other gang...like my sister and commoner!The above are all the good people of my world=)
And of cause,yet there are some people pissing me off real badly. Try pissing me off further tomorrow and your so screwed. Don't test my patience especially during this period of time,that's a warning.
Ok,this should be my last post for the meantime...i think.Maybe after the exams i shall post again, or maybe in the midway of it. Stay strong people,study hard!Good luck for the exams!=)
It was me and you against the world @ 10:57 PM
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
I could'nt resist the urge to blog.Sssshhh.
I'm feeling better now,at least better than monday?Yeah,monday was B.S.
What have i been doing these few days?Actually,i'm behind revision.Gah,that sounds SO WRONG.Okay for yesterday and today,stayed back and i went for group 'studies' with some classmates of mine.Ha,its quite fun actually. The group"study" consisted an average of 8 to 10 of us, & we usually end up digressing instead of STUDYING.
Well,this group of classmates are really fun people,its enjoyable hanging out with them"studying".Like today, we diverted our attention to ghostly encounters and stories.Weird huh?Haha,i know....For me, i feel less stressed up with my friends studying together with me.
I can't imagine how school life will be without all of them,it'll probably be so lifeless. There's my crazy sister and that TWO commoners,RETARDED mummy,Y.S,Tiff,Ad and the others in the group study. In fact,gosh life would be so boring without 2B'06. Thinking about the coming days,whereby soon we'll split up,its saddening and it FREAKS ME OUT.sheesh.
All my friends are like GEMS to me, shall treasure each and every one of them. YOU should too!=p Yeah and hopefully after this post, i would resist the TEMPTATION TO BLOG until after my exams. Its kinda impossible though,i know myself.Heh.
tata!
It was me and you against the world @ 6:28 PM
Monday, September 18, 2006
FISH lah.Im feeling damn freaking stressed and im on the verge of breaking down.Oh no wrong, i'm already breaking down. And after a FREAKING long day in school with me feeling unwell in school for the last few periods, then back home straight away for tuition which ended not long ago,im resting now and someone's trying to deprive me of it. It doesnt mean when i freaking break down and cry and said im freaking stressed and afraid,and afterwhich i go back to my room and use this freaking computer to blog,IT DOESNT FREAKING MEAN I DONT MEAN WHAT I SAY. Hell im not lying or Bullshitting on what i say.
Im so tired and freaking stressed up and yet i have people coming to say all those things to me,i mean...i need a break too. IT doesnt mean when im resting,i dont give a damn to my studies.Every minute and second im freaking out,i dont need SOMEONE to lecture me and chase after my ass to study.
Now i know,Hell NO i cant confide into you.Its like freaking USELESS when at the end of it what i get is more scoldings. Just leave me alone,shut up and go away.Thanks A LOT.You just made me feel freaking STRESSED UP, EVEN MORE SAD and PISSED.Don't have anything pleasant to say?THEN JUST FREAK OFF.LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!
i need time to be alone.& just you wait,i'll prove you WRONG.
It was me and you against the world @ 6:08 PM
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Welcome to My Life
Simple Plan.Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
but no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
But no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
So welcome to my life. Yeah somehow i do feel exactly like that at times. The song totally suits the whole thing.Sometimes i do wish i could run away from the problems i'm facing. No one exactly knows how i'm feeling. Yeah, being too stressed up and everything when everything's like so screwed...to be so lost on what to do and how to do it. Have you ever came across such a situation whereby you really tried but nothing worked out? Thinking what would be the very last outcome that makes you scared?Have you ever tried screaming into the pillow to mute your screams?
Well,i did.
Yet at times i feel so angry at myself.I feel so stupid. I'll be thinking, "why did'nt i do that earlier",however to regret now,its kinda too late. Then again at times, i feel stupid for some other reasons, for certain actions carried out. Guess what, i totally dread it now. I'm feeling intimidated by it. Then again some others might just think i'm making a big fuss about it. There you go, another part and puzzle of life.
Hrm.Exams are round the corner. I've started my usual routine-worrying every single day before the exams. Ok,anyway the good thing is i've started doing more useful things nowadays.Yeah....using less computer,watching less tv.Oh and gosh, i actually manage to find certain joy in studying.I guess its not much from the books but rather, the effort put in in the beginning of the whole studying session and later, the sense of accomplishment at the end of it and of cause, the fruit of your labour. I really have not done such serious studying in a while, i guess i've woken up from my 'dream'.Its back to reality now, only hard work pays and i've got a few goals to reach now.
Ha,so yeah...life's like this at times.Tata everybody!
Till then, my stand still stays the same.
It was me and you against the world @ 10:36 PM
Monday, September 11, 2006
Okay.Today...wait WHY IS MSN DOWN?Apparently W.Y told me she couldnt get in too,and yeah think the whole system's down.God's will maybe!He wants us to focus on more useful stuffs like say...studying?Yeah,3 weeks left.Got no time to waste,so less computer for me for these 3 weeks.
Ha,lets elaborate on today.Let's start of in the early morning. Got out of the car and headed straight for the canteen,it was time to rush through the remains of my jian bao,2 articles.Boy! I feel so hardworking, i actually slept at 2am in the morning to complete A.B's jianbao and assesment book?My my, i think i should be proud of myself=).
Ft admin,argh not worth saying anything.Maths!Haha, as usual was greeted with our weird maths teacher. Guess he was in an exceptionally good mood again today, cracked those lame jokes with us,which actually help to start off lessons on the right track.
PE.Well i never ever thought,trust me,NEVER thought i would be doing a case study on the school field and GRASS. Yeah, interesting hur? Ha! I definitely felt so. But yeah,kinda weird to see those bare patches. What did i learn after the whole lesson? Weeds are bad stuffs to have on the field, they take up unecessary nutrients that the grasses need and hey, maintaining grass on fields is said to be a million dollar industry?!
English came next.Nothing much, we merely received our portfolio comprehension.Recess,argh had to go and meet HER. SHE asked many questions, but most of the time i wasnt looking at HER. Gave her short-could-not-be-bothered answers and replies,still she held me back for like 20 minutes. Well but i must say she has good observational skills! Just from the COPE 'outing',she could tell i was not independent as an individual.Wow i'm impressed by HER for once. The advice she gave: have a stand on my own and not let my thoughts get swayed by my friends around me.Merely nodded my head as she was talking and as a result,i was late by like 10 minutes for the next lesson.=.='
Art exam today,okay...i guess it went smoothly. Probably because we had the experience already,more organised.=)CE....nothing much to elaborate except for the fact i couldnt do my chinese assesment book cause she had the bird eyes' view of everyone, what more me when i was sitting like less than 2 metres from her and in the front?Dang,i hate this seating arrangement,i miss my old seat!
Chinese! "Kou fen!!',and she smiles. Yeah,cases of minusing of marks happens yet again today.Well she feels really good i guess when she minuses our marks. I was not the victim today,phew!! Staying up till 2am was worthwhile. SHE never fails to make the THREE of us laugh, with her actions. She's a good teacher really,i'm so going to miss her next year!
Okay,guess i blogged a lot. Shall try to NOT blog for the next few days.
NO TIME TO WASTE!!
toodles everybody,in the meantime,have fun!That is,if you still have the time.=p
It was me and you against the world @ 9:12 PM
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Today's screwed, and so are the coming few days i guess.The last few days had been a roller coaster ride for me too, they sucked badly.
Screaming into the pillow seems to be the best solution yet sleeping could be another,it'll help to numb the agony and pain for awhile there.However,after everything comes back to normal,when you're awake and whatever not,you're back to square one yet again-screwed up.
I feel like crying, screaming and do whatever that helps to relieve the frustration,anger and sadness in me. Everything seems so quiet, yet after today it'll be even quieter. I don' know. I think i dread going back to school, because i think by then it'll really be a race against time for me-either make it or break it.
Sheesh,im freaking frustrated now.Never thought i would feel this way.Everything's nothing but a piece of crap now.But not to worry,i think i'll get use to it,i just need more time i guess.=)I'm fine.
Sleeping now seems to the best solution, yet screaming into the pillow might also work,maybe i'll try both.WHEE!!
It was me and you against the world @ 4:32 PM
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
RIGHT!
I know i said i wanted to refrain from using the computer...lol but its just unbearable.BUT! I'm using much less of it,hooray!Another achievement.
I'm wondering how i did it last year, if i could i would want to do it again!!Less than a month now...*note to myself*:there isnt much time left,so please buck up.
Gah.Idiotic,i received a freaking curse chain sms yesterday from some blur freak whom i dont even know,her/his reply:sorry,sent to wrong person. Why do people like creating such smses?Like i'm sure you've received one of those kinds when its nearing the exams,like send this bear to 15 other friends or else you'll fail terribly in your exams,didn't you?I mean c'mon get a life man creators of these kinds of smses or even emails,have you nothing better to do?Well,to me it definitely seems like it.Sheesh.
& i'm amazed at how some people talk.For example,"I also dunchh noexx lehhs...i feel sho lonelyy nehhss..."Why must add the double letters and'Xs' behind,its like so unecessary?Looking back on the initial period i started blogging,so many 'lahs','lors' gosh and i even spelt 'so' as "sho".Lol,even i'm finding my old self weird when i read my much older post,thank goodness i've gotten out of those....=.=''Actually i've got this term to name this kinda language but then, i think i shan't say in case i offend some people,anyway its not a crime to use such language...so go ahead!!=)
I so love HER for buying the assesment book for us!Really!Wow,7 chapters....*ahem*...can keep me occupied so that i won't waste my time away& suddenly i feel that i have a goal in my life again,lol.Oh my....14 comprehensions & 7 summaries to go!Tough luck, but still i've got to deal with it.
Toodles,off to finish my assesment book and practice on math.
It was me and you against the world @ 8:10 PM
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Argh~
I'm behind time.God help me!!!!!! I feel so stressed up.
The dang it chinese assesment book is getting in my way! 7 chapters??GAHS! I'm not even like half way through it?I still have those dang it chinese news articles to do....?wth.
I hope i can refrain from using the computer for a while....i need the time!! To do what? Something i believe that's more useful and which will help me.
I CAN , I WILL, I MUST.
It was me and you against the world @ 10:06 PM
Monday, September 04, 2006
I hate days like this.
When you wake up, the sky seems cloudy and everything seems so quiet.You're listening to some melancholy music and you start to think about the remaining days,thinking on whether you'll make it at the very end,the past days with your friends whereby all might split up as a whole lot at the end of the year. Life at times can be nothing but cruelty...if only there was a time machine whereby time could rewind...how perfect.
I love 2B'06 and i don't want us to split up at the end of the year.
It was me and you against the world @ 11:33 AM
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Maybe someone would like to tell me what's wrong with me.
I seriously think i am having moodswings more often than usual lately,like today and yesterday?Got up late today,like say 9.20 am and i've got band at 10am. Spring out of bed when my mum came into my room and asked what time i had to go to school...GAH!Washed up and got a call from Tiffany.She pangseh me again!Ok...she was sick and she told me she didnt want to sneeze into her clarinet...Fine.Then again, i felt so...grrrr!!I felt sianxified.
My mum asked if i was okay because i wasnt feeling too well yesterday...and so i replied with "yeah..."I thought i would be late as i left house at 9.45 and my mum's driving speed is like....=.=' but still,i was in time...
Walked into the bag room dumped my bag when my section mate signalled me to smile.I simply could not for some reason.I was easily irritated at that point of time.Went out of the room and stood by the railings with my other section mates.Yeah....my moodswing probably ended only after sectionals or maybe during the end of it?Proceeded to the auditorium...watched some videos and proceeded on to combines.Celebrated Mr Chia's birthday with us playing the birthday song, poppers and a cake.Afterwhich, home sweet home.
Was joking with my mum in the car...then called back to supposedly ask my maid,aunty fe, to prepare my lunch when she told me she fell and hurt her face.Rushed back and my mum brought her to the doctor...i feel so evil again.I jokingly told her when i saw her and her bruised face,i said she seemed like she just got beaten up.Anyway she came back from the doctor with some gauze on her face.I can't help but laugh,she sighed and asked how she was going out for her Off-day tomorrow.Well,the bruise's rather bad...i told her to wear sunglasses and probably use her fringe to cover her bruise?Just like paul twohill!! & she told me not to make her laugh because her wound would hurt.Hey!its not a stupid suggestion...even my brother agreed with me.
Well sad.My maid,i dont like calling her maid so i shall call her like i call her at home,aunty.Hmm...she's has been with me since i was 2 months old....It has been like almost 14 years since she's been working for my family & She's leaving next saturday.I dont know how i will react but i know the days without her are going to be hard.My brother and i would have to start helping my mum with the household chores...i guess its time we try to be independent.She's like a sister to me yet a friend,i could confide any problems i had with her...but yeah sometimes i would find her quite irritating!blahs.i dont know.....SIGH.
Ok off to do my english comprehension in the portal! GAH!
It was me and you against the world @ 8:20 PM
Friday, September 01, 2006
Okay.What happened today?Yesterday i had a bad night, tossed and turned in bed till 2am when i was in bed by 11pm?Sheesh,nevertheless i still set my alarm to 8+am,had to meet my friend online to supposedly do homework,but when i looked at it i was SIANXIFIED.yeah,besides i had to get ready to get out of the house by 10.10am for IPW at changi airport. My mum gave me a lift since she pitied the fact that i had to lug my laptop there when its so heavy,so she dropped me at tanah merah mrt.
Changi airport doing project is....rather enjoyable i guess?We had to find a power socket so when either me or indah had to charge our laptops,we could.& gosh tiffany's so lame....=.=" she found wierd places for us which could supply us with electrictity. Outside lifts,some deserted place...and yeah,more exotic.Once i teased as she was walking in the direction of the toilets,i went something like"Eh,you're going to the toilets to find power sockets?" Nice ambience actually... Since tiffany said airport toilets are very nice & its purple in colour!!gosh my favourite!Diao....but nevertheless the last part of the project was most enjoyable.We teased Tiffany about....________and mardhiah,indah and i laughed A LOT.The playing of harps...how sweet,made comparisons between two persons and everything!I feel so evil=).
BOO! Tiffany pangseh me! Okay i was joking....shall forgive her since she's sick.During tuition at night,i was like giving the attitude...not really THE attitude but just the -i'm-not-happy-being-here-and stop-giving-me-that-look kinda look to those TOOTS...HEHE.I feel SO GOOD.
Oh WHATEVER! i hate adapting to changes!Sheesh...the next few weeks are going to be like some crazy rollercoaster RIDE!whee!May god bless me with the will and motivation to do what i'm suppose to do.
It was me and you against the world @ 10:23 PM
